Game, set, match
Got into a pissing contest with a sixty-something rich lady in the gym locker room yesterday.
I didn’t mean to, honestly. I was hurriedly getting dressed after my workout because I was going to be late to meet a friend. Her locker was next to mine and she was lightly swearing under her breath at a bracelet that had just broken. “That’s what I get for buying the cheap stuff,” she muttered, looking at me. I smiled politely. “See, I don’t have a LOT of nice jewelry,” she said, “just a few choice items.” I smiled again and started to close my locker. “Like this,” she said, showing me a giant sapphire ring. “I got this in Thailand. More affordable there.” I politely blocked the light reflection that was shining in my eye off the gargantuan rock on her finger. “Yes, Thailand is good for that sort of thing,” I said and turned around. “Oh, you’ve been? I was there last year,” she said. “Yes, two years ago,” I said, pausing, but still trying to leave. “Well, South America is a good place for gems, too,” she said. “Have you been there, too?” I replied yes, I lived in Ecuador and Peru for a while.
And that’s where it got ugly.
Rich Lady: “Where?”
Me: “Quito and Cusco.”
RL: “I LOVED Machu Picchu. But I enjoyed Argentina the most. Did you visit Buenos Aires? What a great city!”
M: “Sure, but I prefer Brazil.”
RL: “I loved Curitiba.”
M: “I found it sterile. Enjoyed Sao Paulo, though.”
RL: “Well, Florianopolis was the best.”
M: “Agreed.”
[stare]
RL: “I usually pick up some pieces in the markets in India, but the quality isn’t always great, you know?”
M: “Haven’t been, but I noticed that in China.”
RL: “It’s like Cambodia that way.”
M: “That was my experience, too.”
[stare]
RL: “Have you been to Africa?”
M: “Yes, Zanzibar and Tanzania.”
RL: “I climbed Kilimanjaro.”
M: “So did I.”
RL: “Really. I used a British guide service that was based there, not REI like everyone else.”
M: “My guide was a Tanzanian friend who lives there.”
RL: “Summited?”
M: “Yes, via the Machame route.”
RL: “I did too, but on the Marangu route. In 2006.”
M: “I did it in 2001.”
[stare]
RL: “Well, it’s nothing compared to Antarctica, really.”
M: …
Match point.
